Here's To You
by NerdAngel
Summary: Dean goes to visit Sam for his birthday (takes place between seasons 5&6).
**A/n: So today is Sam's birthday and I thought I would post a little one shot about it. It takes place between seasons 5 and 6 when the boys were apart, so SPOILER ALERT for season 5.**

 **Thank you to anyone who reads, writes, and/or favorites this.**

Here's to You

Dean loaded his bags into the passenger side of his truck before turning to address Lisa who was standing off to the side with her hands in her back pockets and her gaze fixed on the cement driveway.

"You sure you're good with me going?" He asked pulling his girlfriend out of her thoughts and bringing her dark eyes to smile up at him.

"Of course I am. You should do whatever seems right for you. If you think this will help, then I stand by your decision." She nodded with an encouraging grin. "But if you think it will only make you feel worse, it might be better that you don't." His eyes melded with hers and he nodded sadly, swallowing what she could tell was pain at the thought.

"I honestly don't know what's the right choice here Li, but it just feels like something I have to do. It's the least I can do for him since I can't-" Dean's words trembled until they altogether came to a stop, unable to finish. Lisa removed her hands from pockets and rubbed his arm soothingly.

"Hey, you don't have to explain anything. And don't worry about Ben and me, we can handle ourselves," she convinced him. "Just, take care of yourself Dean. Be safe." She wrapped her arms around him and he did the same. He held her in an embrace for awhile before pulling himself away and pecking her on the lips.

"Alright, I'll call you when I'm there."

"Thank you. Oh and Dean," she called out as he rested his hand on the car door handle.

"Drive safe."

He chuckled, "always." She smiled and watched as he climbed into his truck and started her up.

It didn't feel the same as his beloved Impala. Not the break or gas pedal under his foot, nor the way it started up. His Baby purred when she was brought to life, ready to move with him in perfect sync as he steered her and she complied. The driver's side door didn't creak a greeting to him or bid him to hurry back as he left. No the pickup only simply protested and stuttered. It didn't yet know its owner, and Dean doubted any car other than the Chevy ever would. But Baby was retired. Parked and covered in the garage currently serving her beloved owner two purposes. The first being a storage unit for all of his ignored but not forgotten hunting equipment and the second as memory of all the times he spent on the road. But it was for the latter reason that she was more often then not covered and left to become a ghost in the garage.

With one last wave of his hand in Lisa's direction, he sped off down the street and disappeared from her sight.

XXX

Just touching foot on the cemetery ground and breathing in the air within it brought the beginning of an on slaughter of emotions and memories.

He remembered the metallic taste of his own blood and the unmistakable sound of bones, his bones, breaking with every merciless blow Lucifer took with Sam's fist to Dean's face.

 _"Sam it's ok. It's ok, I'm here. I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you."_

Dean's steps slowed until they stopped altogether in front of the scorch mark that was left from where his brother had thrown the Horseman's rings and recited the spell needed to open up the mouth of Hell right before he let it swallow him. Leaving Dean a broken and bloody mess propped up against the Impala with one eye swollen shut while the other one stared in disbelief and grief at the now empty spot where Sam had been only minutes before.

Dean's eyes fell on the blackened patch of grass and he could hear Sam's voice trying to convince him that everything was going to be alright.

A look of fear had shone in his little brother's hazel eyes as he looked for the first time at what Lucifer had done to Dean. Using him as a tool to inflict the pain reflected on his sibling's face.

But his expression had been covered with a mask he had quickly slapped on from years of studying his big brother who had mastered it starting with Sam's first nightmare, to the last night before he said YES. This action of course hadn't fooled Dean into any kind of false security like it had so often done for a watery doe eyed Sammy.

 _"It's ok Dean. It's going to be ok. I got him."_

And it had been. For the world. But for Dean, it was still the end. Not of the world, but of his world.

He took a quick glance around at the cemetery to make sure there was no one else around. Why would there be? It was simply an old bone yard filled with people long since forgotten with only slabs of stone that reminded the world of their name. Dean had contemplated making a handmade grave marker himself for his brother. He may not be buried in the property's dirt, but doesn't jumping into an endless pit straight to Hell count? Dean couldn't bring himself to do it. It was going to be really tough to explain when he got him back. But then, that's not what Sam wanted.

With no one in earshot of the once hunter, he got down to his knees, reminding himself of when he had first managed to crawl over to where the world had closed in on his brother, and for the first time since he had hit up a local liquor store he looked down at the bottle he had brought along with him.

"Hey Sammy," he started with an embarrassed grin. "You know I'm tempted to kick my own ass with how much of a girl this is going to sound, me talking to some charred grass in the middle of a graveyard in Kansas-" he stopped. Already he could feel his throat tighten. "Anyways I thought...I thought you could use some company. It's your day and I wouldn't want you to spend it alone," he reported to the ground. "So I thought we would celebrate." He lifted the bottle up as if showing it what he had brought. "Kentucky Bourbon, just like you like. Never did understand why it was your favorite. Probably because Dad hated the stuff, he was a whiskey man through and through. Or Scotch. Remember the first time you tried Scotch?" Dean chuckled at the memory then fell silent as he worked off the cap. His eyes smiled sadly at the scorch mark.

"Remember the night you made me promise to not come after you? I had asked you what am I suppose to do? The last time I asked myself that, you were brought back to life. Because what I was suppose to do, was save you. I knew that. And I know you don't want me to do that again, but everything in me knows that's what I SHOULD be doing. Remember what you told me Sammy? You told me to go find Lisa. To pray to God she's dumb enough to take me in. And you wanted me to have barbecues and go to football games...You wanted me to go live some normal, Apple pie life. And you wanted me to promise you." Dean's voice cracked and he bowed his head. "Well, you sounded like a chick. Even more so than usual," he teased as a tear rolled down his cheek. "But I did it. I kept my promise to you Sammy. Lisa was dumb enough to take me back, I've gone to barbecues, football games, even baseball games, mostly Ben's. Hell, I've even taken up golf. I'm living the Apple pie life like you wanted. And I'm really grateful to Lisa and Ben for taking me in. Lisa puts up with my drinking sessions and restless nights and Ben...he's a real great kid. Couldn't have asked for better." A small smile curled Dean's lips before he pulled it back. "But here I am going on about my life, while you're-" he paused as he fought for control again. Running his hand down his face to clear away the tears. "You don't deserve this Sam. You never did. But you took it head on and even when we doubted you, Bobby, Cas, me...you never gave up. And you did what no angel could do, hell, not even Bobby. Not even me. You proved all of us wrong, including the devil himself and I have never been more proud of my pain in the ass little brother. I remember when we use to pretend to be superheroes, who'd have thought one day you would turn out to be one for real huh?" More tears escaped his eyes and he was grateful that not even his brother could see him right now. "I miss you Sammy, not a day goes by where I don't." He raised the bottle up in the air and threw the ground another smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Here's to you." He ended his toast, pouring Bourbon over the scorch mark and then brought the bottle to his lips and chugged. "This shit's nasty. You never did have good taste in alcohol, that's why I always chose what we drank." He took another sip.

Dean spent the rest of the day kneeing in Stull cemetery nursing the bottle of his brother's favorite drink and staring at the ground. Part of him wished it would open up again and pull him in. His own time spent in Hell was enough to make him cringe at the word, but if it meant he could see Sam again, then open sesame. But he had made a promise that he...mostly kept. After all, he was a man of his word.

The sky began to darken and stars freckled it. The bottle of Bourbon was empty but not forgotten as Dean continued to keep his hand on it. He mostly had fallen silent, but every now and then he would mention something to the open air. To an onlooker, he would have appeared to be some drunk who somehow stumbled into the graveyard and was talking to no one in particular. But one bottle of Bourbon wasn't enough for him to be drunk and he knew exactly who he was talking to. Even if his brother couldn't hear him.

Dean's eyes moved up to peer up at the stars, like all times he and Sam had taken the Impala out to the middle of nowhere late at night or early in the morning, and sat staring up at all of them. No words needed, they just enjoyed simply being in each other's company.

Midnight rolled around and he didn't want to go. In fact, he was completely content with staying there in the peculiar mix of grief and comfort he had from kneeling by the burnt grass, but he also knew that if he didn't leave, that's exactly what he would do. Already he could feel his eyes start to mist once again knowing what came next. So he got to his feet and Dean finally spoke again, his own voice sounding foreign for a second from the long hours of silence save the wind, which had picked up, and crickets.

"Ive gotta go, but I'll be back and we'll do this again. I promise. Happy Birthday Bitch."

 **A/n: Thank you for reading! Happy Birthday Sam!**

 **Side note to LilyBolt: Thank you so so so much for an amazing and unforgettable time this weekend! I had a blast going on rides and cracking dad jokes with you as well as just hanging out. I hope to do it again real soon.**

 **On a slightly different side note, I just wanted to say THANK YOU fellow SPN Family members for being the best family anyone can ever ask for. I love you all and I'm proud of us!**


End file.
